Latest Blog Post

1431. (continuation from previous blog)

to say he was beside himself with guilt was likely an understatement. he was the kind of person who usually prided himself in getting whatever job he was assigned done with efficiency and speed. this was definitely not one of those moments. he thought he had been accurate. he thought he could have pulled off the hit without physically harming anyone else. collateral damage was not something he ever counted on, despite knowing how deadly the impact of his rifle's bullets was.

at least he was able to keep himself from getting sick in the car, but once he'd stepped through the threshold of his apartment, all bets were off and he didn't even take his shoes off before he rushed to the bathroom to get sick. when he was alone, he didn't have anyone to scorn him or judge him because he was showing "weakness." anyone else would probably feel the same as him, but most guys pretended that they were better than this.

wiping his mouth, he sat back on his ass and tipped his head back. he was breathing hard, his throat burning and his mind racing. he had never hated himself so much than in that moment. he already knew he was a murderer - and that was a heavy weight to bear - but he would never take a child's life. children were sacred. even the sons of billionaires who would grow up never knowing want for anything.

his life had still been precious. yvan had had no right to steal that from him.

sliding off his shoes, he shakily stood and went to turn on the shower. turning it on as hot as he could handle, he got into the shower - with his clothes still on - and stood there, letting the scalding water drench his clothes. he felt like he was going to be sick again but instead of leaving the water, he just slid down to sit on the shower floor, watching the water swirl as it drained.

he'd stay there, feeling numb and lost, until the water ran cold.